July 23, 2021

A fractal is a simple, never-ending pattern that is composed of infinitely repeating systems. No matter how magnified or zoomed out, the pattern time and time again repeats itself. Interestingly enough, the universe is considered a fractal. Included in this categorization are tree branches, snowflakes, rivers, clouds, crystals, circulatory systems, electricity, and many more everyday objects. Most shockingly of all, life and existence itself qualifies for this definition. I was slightly shocked by this realization, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Through daily journaling, I have observed repeated habits and routines that I consistently and unintentionally carry out. Little things such as what time I wake up and get tired at night, my skin and makeup routine, my craving for a piece of gum after every meal, or my subconscious scrolling through apps and social media platforms when given a small amount of downtime repeat multiple times daily. I also realized that certain regular events produced the same negative thoughts that stirred up a low level of anxiety within my mind. Most of the time, these habitual negative thoughts were very much unrealistic and harmful and could be changed by embracing a different outlook and understanding on where those thoughts originated. I apprehended that my feelings of needing to prove myself and win acceptance from others stemmed from a lack of love and assurance of self. Through removing things in my schedule that I had committed to for others and making more time for hobbies and passions of my own, I am finding it is so much easier to love and stay true to myself. I honor my relationship with God and my moral beliefs because they are more important to me than fitting someone else’s standard. Once so committed to a life scrammed with activities and events, I am finally taking the chance to spend my own time on what I want, not what I assume someone else wants from me. That lifestyle of busyness did not produce happiness, it only prevented me from having time alone with my own thoughts, a time to reflect on who I really am and hope to achieve. Now I look forward to the possibilities of each day and what the Lord has in store for me. My anxiety has decreased because I can more easily rest in the excitement of new experiences instead of control and routine. So, while the concept of the fractal is a beautiful and partially inevitable aspect of existence, it does not demand absolute repetitivity. I am learning that each and every day is a chance to improve, change, and enjoy life and new experiences with others. To wrap it up with my favorite quote from The Alchemist: “…when each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises.”

disclaimer: Much of the personal information I’ve touched on has taken vulnerability on my part, but I hope it has helped you see me in a more genuine and relatable light!